when it came to being a mommy...i held some strong opinions...and i still do. but i've realized no matter how good a game you talk...some things go beyond your plans.
ie - "i want to pump as much as possible and be done nursing at 6 months." LOL. someone i know *ahem* refuses a bottle...doesn't like them. we're still nursing. i wanted to be done nursing at 6 months because i wasn't going to be anyone's "chew toy" and teeth aren't supposed to arrive until month 6. so my dear, sweet, little boy decided to grow his first 2 chompers at 4.5 months. and he's bit/chewed on me 3 times - total. he bit down on me more before he started teething than he once he had teeth! i have decided, however, that i'm TIRED OF BEING TIED TO Medela...the manufacturer of my pump. i love medela, best brand ever. i rent a hospital grade pump, it works amazingly well. but i'm kind of over it. my parents' freezer is full of milk...as is my indoor freezer and our small deep freezer. so i've decided that i'll be done pumping by the 18th or so of this month. and then i'll return the pump and simply nurse until someone is weaned. (frozen milk will be used for sippy-cup training.)
i have started reading books to him...i don't read just the little card-board books to him either. we go to the library - yes, my 5 month old has his very own library card! - and we get books that are apparently meant for 1st - 3rd graders. whatev, he likes to look at the colors and to hear my voice.
so...the biggest thing i've learned in the last 5 months: life with babies is fluid and no preconceived notion is exempt from changing! and i've also learned that the books are right - my intuition regarding my baby is best! no one knows him better than i do.
*side story: i was watching an episode of Criminal Minds yesterday and Spencer was visiting his mom (who has schizophrenia...which you'd know if you watched this amazing show...js). and she says to him, "what else is going on in there [his head]?" and he replies, "nothing." his mom says, "don't lie to your mother. we know...we always know." and it's true...your mom always knows. my mom will ask me a question and all i can think is, "how does she know?" and now i realize, because that's just a gift God gave to mothers. an intuition that's so deep, you don't even know it's there. but you feel it...all the time.
so. there are the revelations for now. i will continue to try and find time to personalize this blog and make it look more like a mandypandy place to post and not such a generic blog-o-matic.
~*mandypandy*~
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
a sort of "first"
first post on the new blog.
but not my first post or blog. i decided to completely delete all that was my former blog. after reading it...i realized i was much more depressed when last i blogged than i realized.
but i'm returning to blogging. renewed and happy.
finally.
the Lord is good...and i'm grateful that he's so much more faithful to me than i am to him. long story as short as possible?
when last i was blogging the year was 2010. i got married in 2009 - to my soul-mate. cliche'? yes, but very true. we had at first said we were going to wait until we were debt-free and married for 2 years before we started a family. 3 months into our marriage though - we decided to start trying. at that point EVERYONE (and that is honestly not an exaggeration) around me started getting pregnant. on purpose, on accident, besties and acquaintances. (seriously, you can ask my friends and family. everyone got knocked up but me.) we started trying mid-summer...and in december i finally had a positive pregnancy test! made appointments as quickly as possible and got the ball on the roll. then, at the ultrasound, the tech could find nothing. and not only could she find nothing, she used the "magic wand" tool and it came out covered in "discharge". i know that the ultrasound didn't cause my miscarriage, but i have always blamed it. i went home and that night had a miscarriage at home. most people seem all shocked that i didn't go to the hospital. however, that was a very private - albeit unbelievably painful - experience. tons of advil, a heating pad, and my husbands loving and tender arms carried me through that very rough night. by the next day my 9 week pregnancy was over.
i felt surrounded by insensitivity...comments from pregnant friends like, "honestly, you're lucky it isn't you. this is miserable" and "well, you can always adopt" were painful and got old very early on. for the next year and a half my husband endured my all-consuming desire to procreate...and so did my parents...and some of my friends listened...and even fewer actually cared. (although i'm glad for all the ears that let me vent, i was very aware of who was just letting me talk and who actually listened/cared.) during that year and a half i became very bitter...and angry...and depressed. my husband was very ok with all the fertility testing we went through - and very supportive. however, every stinkin' test came back clear - i had no "obvious" issues. so why wasn't I able to get pregnant as easily as EVERYONE around me?!
it was at this low point in my life that for the very first time EVER - i was seriously doubting God. i asked Jesus Christ into my heart when i was 6. i cannot remember a time in my life that i haven't believed, loved, and served Him. that i haven't completely trusted Him...and always talked to Him. so that doubt was as painful for me as the continuous pregnancies around me and lack of pregnancy on my own part. which why i am so very grateful for His faithfulness. because, in retrospect, i can now see how perfect the Lord's timing truly is.
one month after paying off ALL of our combined debt (barring the brand new "family" vehicle we had bought and a mortgage) and the day after our 2nd marriage anniversary - remember those goals we set when we got married? - we found out we were again pregnant. now, keep in mind that we had not had any positive pregnancy tests since the one and only failed pregnancy of Dec. 10, 2010 (a date that any woman who's miscarried knows, cannot be forgotten quickly). STOKED is the only word that is applicable. then set in fear. i spent an entire 9 months panicking over everything...i spotted twice at the beginning of the pregnancy - skipped work and went to doc both times. drank sour milk - immediately called my mom and surfed the internet to see if bad milk would hurt the baby. someone who's pregnancy was only 2 weeks ahead of mine lost her baby? missed work and went to doc - just to hear that tiny little heart-beat. among all of this worry and anticipation, i was also preparing to be laid off from my job - another major answered prayer. we always planned on my being a stay at home mom, but if we worked my times out correctly, i would get a severance package to send me on my way to stay-at-home-mommyhood.
on tuesday Oct. 25th i went to my regular check up - and because there had been no movement in the prior weeks toward delivery, and i wasn't due until Nov. 3rd - the doc didn't even check me. we heard a heart-beat. i asked what it felt like when your water broke. and we went home. i had skipped work that tuesday, so wednesday morning i was determined to get up and go in to work. 15 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off i had to pee...so i got up and went, without even turning on the light. but when i was done peeing...i was still leaking. i called to my husband asking him to turn the light on - to which he soundly said, "NO." i called a little louder and said, "i need you to get up and turn the bathroom light on, i think my water's broke." he was in the bathroom and had the light on. we got the ball rolling...i showered, he got us subs from the gas station and put gas in the vehicle, loaded hospital bags (next time he'll be packing his own bag, lol). we headed to the hospital. 36 hours later i didn't get the natural delivery i wanted - i got a c-section...and a BEAUTIFUL baby boy! his name is Hagan Phillip - Hagan means "the protector". i'm watching him in his swing napping as i type...and he's 5 months old. i don't remember what life was like without him.
so God's faithfulness and timing are perfect...and i spent a year and a half in doubt for no reason. He proved me wrong...and taught me that His plans for me are perfect...and that's not just a line, it's Truth.
so when i decided it was time to start blogging again...and i looked back at all of my former anger, depression, and heart-ache...i simply deleted my entire former profile. starting fresh.
i want this blog to be about my life. my very limited, but intense, passions.
God.
Family.
Reading.
Yarn. (crochet and now knitting)
Crafts and Art.
i have an easy shop...in which one day i will re-list my handmade items. my shop is "mandypandy homemade" - so my blog name is similar.
welcome!
all sorts of love,
~*mandypandy*~
James 1:2-3
but not my first post or blog. i decided to completely delete all that was my former blog. after reading it...i realized i was much more depressed when last i blogged than i realized.
but i'm returning to blogging. renewed and happy.
finally.
the Lord is good...and i'm grateful that he's so much more faithful to me than i am to him. long story as short as possible?
when last i was blogging the year was 2010. i got married in 2009 - to my soul-mate. cliche'? yes, but very true. we had at first said we were going to wait until we were debt-free and married for 2 years before we started a family. 3 months into our marriage though - we decided to start trying. at that point EVERYONE (and that is honestly not an exaggeration) around me started getting pregnant. on purpose, on accident, besties and acquaintances. (seriously, you can ask my friends and family. everyone got knocked up but me.) we started trying mid-summer...and in december i finally had a positive pregnancy test! made appointments as quickly as possible and got the ball on the roll. then, at the ultrasound, the tech could find nothing. and not only could she find nothing, she used the "magic wand" tool and it came out covered in "discharge". i know that the ultrasound didn't cause my miscarriage, but i have always blamed it. i went home and that night had a miscarriage at home. most people seem all shocked that i didn't go to the hospital. however, that was a very private - albeit unbelievably painful - experience. tons of advil, a heating pad, and my husbands loving and tender arms carried me through that very rough night. by the next day my 9 week pregnancy was over.
i felt surrounded by insensitivity...comments from pregnant friends like, "honestly, you're lucky it isn't you. this is miserable" and "well, you can always adopt" were painful and got old very early on. for the next year and a half my husband endured my all-consuming desire to procreate...and so did my parents...and some of my friends listened...and even fewer actually cared. (although i'm glad for all the ears that let me vent, i was very aware of who was just letting me talk and who actually listened/cared.) during that year and a half i became very bitter...and angry...and depressed. my husband was very ok with all the fertility testing we went through - and very supportive. however, every stinkin' test came back clear - i had no "obvious" issues. so why wasn't I able to get pregnant as easily as EVERYONE around me?!
it was at this low point in my life that for the very first time EVER - i was seriously doubting God. i asked Jesus Christ into my heart when i was 6. i cannot remember a time in my life that i haven't believed, loved, and served Him. that i haven't completely trusted Him...and always talked to Him. so that doubt was as painful for me as the continuous pregnancies around me and lack of pregnancy on my own part. which why i am so very grateful for His faithfulness. because, in retrospect, i can now see how perfect the Lord's timing truly is.
one month after paying off ALL of our combined debt (barring the brand new "family" vehicle we had bought and a mortgage) and the day after our 2nd marriage anniversary - remember those goals we set when we got married? - we found out we were again pregnant. now, keep in mind that we had not had any positive pregnancy tests since the one and only failed pregnancy of Dec. 10, 2010 (a date that any woman who's miscarried knows, cannot be forgotten quickly). STOKED is the only word that is applicable. then set in fear. i spent an entire 9 months panicking over everything...i spotted twice at the beginning of the pregnancy - skipped work and went to doc both times. drank sour milk - immediately called my mom and surfed the internet to see if bad milk would hurt the baby. someone who's pregnancy was only 2 weeks ahead of mine lost her baby? missed work and went to doc - just to hear that tiny little heart-beat. among all of this worry and anticipation, i was also preparing to be laid off from my job - another major answered prayer. we always planned on my being a stay at home mom, but if we worked my times out correctly, i would get a severance package to send me on my way to stay-at-home-mommyhood.
on tuesday Oct. 25th i went to my regular check up - and because there had been no movement in the prior weeks toward delivery, and i wasn't due until Nov. 3rd - the doc didn't even check me. we heard a heart-beat. i asked what it felt like when your water broke. and we went home. i had skipped work that tuesday, so wednesday morning i was determined to get up and go in to work. 15 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off i had to pee...so i got up and went, without even turning on the light. but when i was done peeing...i was still leaking. i called to my husband asking him to turn the light on - to which he soundly said, "NO." i called a little louder and said, "i need you to get up and turn the bathroom light on, i think my water's broke." he was in the bathroom and had the light on. we got the ball rolling...i showered, he got us subs from the gas station and put gas in the vehicle, loaded hospital bags (next time he'll be packing his own bag, lol). we headed to the hospital. 36 hours later i didn't get the natural delivery i wanted - i got a c-section...and a BEAUTIFUL baby boy! his name is Hagan Phillip - Hagan means "the protector". i'm watching him in his swing napping as i type...and he's 5 months old. i don't remember what life was like without him.
so God's faithfulness and timing are perfect...and i spent a year and a half in doubt for no reason. He proved me wrong...and taught me that His plans for me are perfect...and that's not just a line, it's Truth.
so when i decided it was time to start blogging again...and i looked back at all of my former anger, depression, and heart-ache...i simply deleted my entire former profile. starting fresh.
i want this blog to be about my life. my very limited, but intense, passions.
God.
Family.
Reading.
Yarn. (crochet and now knitting)
Crafts and Art.
i have an easy shop...in which one day i will re-list my handmade items. my shop is "mandypandy homemade" - so my blog name is similar.
welcome!
all sorts of love,
~*mandypandy*~
James 1:2-3
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