Happy 11 Months!

my Little Foot is 11 months old today! we're teething and grumpy...teeth suck. i firmly believe teething is why we don't remember our earliest years. i don't know who's more batty...him with the teeth, or me home all day with the whines and tears and general unhappiness. can't wait until whatever teeth are trying to make their appearance are in and my happy boy is back!

i'm finally totally motivated to lose weight. i'm at pre-baby weight...but i could lose a few more pounds, and get more toned. plus i was asked a few days ago if i was pregnant :( .no. so we've been working on 2 miles a day. as long as Capt. Grumpypants isn't strapped into the stroller and can pull himself up and look around he enjoys the walks. today he's been so grumpy we've already walked 1.65 miles...and bathed. and we'll - God willing - be going back out this afternoon.

my devotional this morning - Hope for Everyday by Billy Graham - was based on Hebrews 10:22. (Hebrews is my favorite book of the Bible) "Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of our faith." Mr. Graham says that we need to disregard our feelings when we come to Christ. Our feelings aren't what save us, but it's Christ who saves us. our feelings change, but He remains the same. i am SO grateful for that. for instance, i think Little Foot's teething is being made so much worse by my PMS...and i feel that i'm being awful to him because i'm so much more temperamental than normal. i'm so glad God doesn't PMS, or have mood swings, or bad days. i am so grateful for that...especially as i feel like i'm going crazy, i'm the most impatient mother ever, and i'm sad/happy/angry/tired/frustrated.

so mostly, today i'm grateful to the Father. for his unchanging love and forgiveness. for the gift of His Son so that i can be forgiven. for the beautiful little boy sitting next to me eating his beans. for my husband. my family. all of the blessings in my life - everything i don't deserve, but He has given me anyway.

~*mandy*~

One Day...

one day i'll learn how to make this blog look pretty, the way i want it to.

in the mean-time...PLEASE go visit my etsy shop :) http://www.etsy.com/shop/mandypandyrox i finally got some listings in there, and i'd love to finally make a sale, heh.

i unloaded almost an entire years worth of photo's off my iPhone yesterday. i forgot how little my baby was...just 10 short months ago!

Blogging on the Go

Got the Blogger app - yes!

We braved Hurricane Isaac's feeder bands & are getting an oil change.

Someone is also 10 months old today! Where has the time gone?

more thoughts about moms

~*here*~

just thinking about mother's day still.

my mom went to HP's swimming lesson with me today...we had so much fun. eli (my little-ist brother) came too and got to swim with his nephew. we went to DQ and then we hit BAM and browsed the child books. such small little things. but we laughed so much and talked so much and enjoyed our time so much.

tomorrow my Aunt Karen goes to put flowers on Grandma's grave...instead of picking her up from New Smyrna and bringing her here for Mother's day. this hit me really hard as i got out of the shower...and i had to have a cry-it-out really quick before my husband caught me naked, sobbing into a towel, heh.

my mom's best friend, and someone i love very much, is spending her Mother's day this year fighting breast cancer. i sent her a surprise package for Mother's day with 2 knitted wash cloths that had a ribbon and the words "hope" and "cure" on them and a pink knitted bag with the ribbon emblem on its side. i learned a lot of knitting techniques, and sent my dear friend some handmade goodies for Mother's day. she's a new grandmother this year too.

my sister-in-law Kim and my mother-in-law both spend this Mother's day without their spouses for the first time.

i really just want all mothers everywhere to have a really, really, really good day this Sunday. and that's the thought that has been stuck in my mind for the last few days. i can't stop thinking about making sure as many of the moms i know get a little ray of happiness this weekend. i'm obsessing over it. it's keeping me awake at night!

<3

~*mandy*~

Mother's Day is Sunday

i've been working on Mother's day gifts for my mom and mother-in-law and the grandmothers and great-grandmothers for about a month now. (it's really hard to accomplish anything when you have a 5/6 month old who loves you so much he just CANNOT be put down. so i started early.) i would share what i've been making...but i fear my mom might actually read this blog (which will one day look as awesome online as it does in my head) so i can't share until post-Mom's day. with all the craftiness going on, i've been spending a lot of time thinking about my mom...and motherhood in general.

my pre-teen and teen years were really rough...mostly on my mom. i was mostly rough on my mom. i look back now and realize all the resentment and anger were caused by my own selfishness - & those miserable hormones your body starts developing around that time.

i never really saw all that my mom did for my family until my senior year of high school...when my mom got pregnant with my youngest brother (yeah, oops! haha). she would work all day on her feet as an art teacher...and then she'd come home exhausted...and clean our house and do our laundry and cook our dinner. somehow i finally put together that going to school, doing homework, or band practice took no where near the same amount of energy. i had no excuse to whine...and all that she did showed me how much she truly loved me and sacrificed for me. it was then that i finally started trying to help. i know that i still whined and complained...but i was really trying to start working around the house without having to be nagged. and since the birth of my little brother, we've been the best of friends - my mom and i. because i finally saw my mother and all the work she did in perspective, through the eyes of a young woman about to head out into the world and not the eyes of a spoiled little girl.

the sad thing is that i cannot get any of those years back to do over. to make up for the snotty, terrible little brat that i know i was. luckily, my mom loves me in spite of myself. and i have all the years left to show her how much i love her. how she's truly my very best friend. how i learned what motherhood is from her, and that i want to be the caring, sacrificing, honest, Godly mother that she was to me. i learned from the best - and i want to give Hagan the same love that i was given.

it also crossed my mind that this will be the first Mother's day without my "Aunt Bobbye", who was basically my grandmother. my mom's mother - Gramme - died when i was 3, and her best friend took over grand-mothering duties for my brother and i. we called her Aunt Bobbye, but she was Grandma. she passed into Heaven the day after Christmas this year. i know that my family - especially my Aunt Karen -  are missing her so much this weekend that it probably hurts. it's hurting my heart a lot. i wanted to send a card and pictures of Hagan to her for Mother's day this year. because all the grandmothers got gifts...but the post office doesn't deliver to Heaven, lol.

i'm so glad that Hagan does have so many grandparents left though...and they're all local to him. i didn't really have many grandparents left, and those that i did have were always so far away. my baby is held by his Amaw every Sunday during church - and he plays with his Gramme and Gandalf (my dad is SO not a "pop" or "grandpa", so i named him Gandalf after his favorite book character ever!) every Sunday after church at lunch. we go visit them and spend time with them during the week, because i'm no longer working. he has great-grandparents and even one Great-Great Grandfather! i wish i could have had that, and i'm grateful to God that Hagan does.

my prayer for everyone is that this Mother's day is beautiful! that it's full of the overwhelming love i experience - both as a mother and toward my mother. that there are great gifts, great lunches, and more special memories made with those special women in our lives. (and that unlike last mother's day, i don't spend my morning puking on the side of the highway on the way to church, hahaha. i'm thinking that since this year i'm not pregnant, i won't have to worry about the puking!)

<3
~*mandypandy*~

a random thought

i once read that the older you are, the harder it is to learn new things. i say: screw that.

every tuesday night i sit at a knitting class with my mother, my niece, and some ladies old enough to be my grandmother or my mother or my best friend. and we're all learning to knit...at the same pace. we're all enjoying each other's company.

i absolutely adore the fact that i can now knit and crochet. i'm looking forward to learning to quilt this summer. my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to teach my mom and i to quilt. i think that's amazing.

i'm going to learn to can my own food this summer too. my mom is a teacher and will have the summer off...and i fully intend to buy some supplies, ask her to help me watch my beautiful baby boy, and we're going to can foods. (which i will put aside and later give out to family and friends as Christmas gifts - God willing that i have any skills at canning!)

so. age cannot and will not hold me back. and it doesn't seem to hold many of the people around me back. my 80-ish year old neighbor who has had so many life-threatening illnesses within the last year still gets out every day and works around his shop and yard. he hops on his John Deere tractor and bush-hogs his huge yard. he fixes things. and he enjoys his life to the fullest.

and by golly - i'm going to too. i'm thanking God for all the amazing things i've learned, and will learn in the future. and i'm glad that He has gifted me with the ability to learn and love and have so much fun. and for all the blessings He has placed in my life.

what wonderful random thoughts. what a wonderful and amazing God <3

~*mandypandy*~

it's the little things sometimes

so we've been cloth diapering for 2 weeks now. it's pretty sweet...& saving good money. the only tough spot i've run into is that i forgot to pull the diapers off the line last night before i went to knitting...and andy forgot to get them before the rain too. so now they're sitting on the line and the dew is drying off. i'm enjoying the clothing honestly. it's reducing the bedroom diaper-pail smell...the amount of garbage we throw out...and i think that the less chemicals that touch my babies' skin the better.

i'm also fighting this pet peeve of mine on Facebook. everyone has an "fb" and everyone checks theirs. but i hate this tendency we all have to make passive-aggressive angry posts on fb. to actually make your point, a person must SAY exactly what needs to be said to a SPECIFIC person. don't just throw random half-stories out there for the world to read. mostly because you will actually upset more people than you realize, and the person who you're actually angry at doesn't ever realize it's them you're talking about. i've done it too...and sometimes it makes me feel better. but ultimately, we can't hide behind our computer screens. talk face-to-face...solve the issue...move on. and don't air your dirty laundry in public.

but other than those 2 little things...life is fun and good :)

i'm having so much fun at knitting lessons. and i'm enjoying spending my time with my baby - he's wonderful. my husband and i are enjoying parenting and being best friends and loving each other so much. today i'm going to do my normal domestic duties...cleaning the house, loving and playing with my 6 month old, & mailing off some home-made Mother's Day presents to grandparents and finishing my Mother-in-Law's and Mommy's presents!

~*mandypandy*~

boating

today we decided to take the boat out for the first time. wait...back-up. there's a story to this. a week ago andy mentioned that since the title was finally in our name and he felt the boat was water-worthy, we should take it out. i said, "heck yeah!" and the next time he mentioned taking the boat out while on the phone with his cousin i got all tickled and gave him the thumbs up.

so it was decided that after my doctors appointment this morning, we'd take the boat out. andy spent all morning cleaning, buffing, waxing, and organizing his new boat. so when i got home and he asked if even though it was really windy, did i still want to take the boat out i quickly replied, "of course!" because he had worked soooo hard, why would we wait? he warned me the wind would be rough, but i didn't think anything of it.

so we loaded up my car and his truck pulled the boat and we headed to our local lake with a good boat ramp. after watching my husband struggle through the wind and (seriously) crashing waves - for 20 minutes - getting the boat off the trailer, i unloaded my diaper bag and the toy bag (with my camera in it) and the baby in the car seat. andy put the baby and toy bag in the boat and helped me get in. he told me how to trim the motor and turn the engine on and put the boat into reverse, and pushed us off the "beach." he tried to jump in without having to swim...but that wasn't meant to be. he got into the boat...and the water works began. Hagan was woken out of a nap by the waves splashing over the back of the boat...i got him moved to the front. andy got the boat going forward and then the waves started soaking my baby from the other direction! i jumped into mommy action and grabbed the super-thick baby blanket my aunt made Hagan and used it to SUCCESSFULLY shield him from the waves (the blanket my husband thought was unnecessary!). and i used the towel i brought (also thought as unnecessary) to cover/keep him warm - although he really wasn't as wet as i'd feared.

once we got to the other side of the lake there were no waves at all. we drifted for a while, turned the boat around, and drifted again. we talked...i tried to dry off...and Hagan spent his first bits of time on a boat :) it was pleasant without so much wind. and when Little Foot decided he was tired, we headed in. and heading in is so much easier when you're riding with, and not against, the waves. i don't think i was the complete nervous wreck i felt like i was. although watching my husband load and unload the boat nearly gave me conniption fits. i swear he washed out the floor-boards of his truck because he had to back the truck up so far to get the trailer actually into the water! we decided a.) no more trips to the lake in such windy conditions because it's cold, difficult, and not the maximum fun it could be and b.) we'll try again next week. *smiling*

andy has since admitted he knew the trip wouldn't be very fun, but i had been so excited to take the boat out that he was willing to so very hard to give me the chance to get out on the boat. he also admitted that my decision to bring the big blanket was smart. i'm looking forward to a summer full of sun, swimming, and family time!

i'm also looking forward to calling the YMCA tomorrow and getting Hagan into an infant swimming class - FUN! they have a class that starts the 30th i'm hoping to get into...swimming twice a week? with my baby? burning calories, getting out of the house, and soaking up the sun? yes! i'm in! sign me up!

i'm also going to look into the cost of a photography class to take with my best friend kelly. andy's more than willing to let me go, and because my parents are teachers, they can babysit while i'm in class. i'm excited!!

there will also be a 6 month photo shoot coming up soon - it's awesome having best friends who are photographers with mad skillz - who are also willing to use those skillz and help a sister out :)

i discovered i have a cavity/hole in one of my molars today...so in between making other appointments...i'll be calling the dentist tomorrow. everyone hates the dentist. *when it rains, it pours*

<3
~*mandypandy*~

routine? just kidding!!

i am totally loathing this huge 6 month growth spurt! between sickness and this growth spurt i haven't slept since sunday night...and i can feel it. the child i swore would never be in my bed over night has spent the last 2 nights laying in bed with me. i figure, if i'm going to be up every hour, on the hour, to comfort a crying baby, why walk all the way to his room? and i'm not kidding...he stayed up until 11:15 - then i was up at 12:15, 1:20, and at 2:30 i tried to coax him back to sleep, but ended up nursing him instead. then he simply stayed in my bed...why wake him by trying to lay him down in his bed? andy dislikes this because he's such rough sleeper - but i did warn him that there was a baby in the bed. he woke up and heard me and everything. we haven't had this little sleep in months! i guess my super-amazing sleeper has just spoiled me!

and to top it off - we have to go to walmart today. poor walmart shoppers. the rude ones had better stay away from me.

also - today is the 8th anniversary of mine and my husband's first date :) we've been together for 8 years! wow how the time has flown.

<3
~*mandypandy*~

morning niceties

this morning we walked. i was walking every day...then there was a month that i didn't walk...and i've since had a hard time getting back into the routine. we'll have to be morning walkers...considering the heat we're already suffering (and it's only april!). this morning we got up half an hour earlier *gasp!* and Little Foot ate, i got everything ready, and we headed out the front door. it was a nice overcast morning with a cool breeze, which is bound to put anyone in a good mood. as we walked we were greeted by several nice elderly people in our neighborhood. i wasn't pestered by any of the fierce, free-range, chihuahua's that terrorize my neighborhood. and then it happened - i got to watch a few fledgling Mocking Birds practice their skills! they were less than 5 feet away from me. and they were so cute! they were still a little fluffy, and so indignant that there was a witness to their practices *smile*! there was also a woodpecker hanging around, she/he got really close to me too. it was just a sweet walk we enjoyed this morning.

SN - yesterday while driving around a lake in town, i got to watch some osprey's fishing - so cool!

once we got back home i got a bunch of little things done while HP hung out in the exersaucer. it's the little things that make me feel so accomplished these days. i.e.: i got the end tables tidied, a box of obsolete baby toys put into the attic, the house swept, the sweeping pile vacuumed, the dishes all washed, and some other minor daily duties. all before someone got fussy! then i changed him and he's now chilling in his swing asleep. i'm making a blog post, and then i have to bathe. i still can't believe how liberating a bath can be!

yesterday we got up and walked and then we headed to return some library books. mommy got a coffee from the new coffee shop in our tiny little town - which i LOVE! because mister i-don't-need-naps-and-will-fight-against-them-always was asleep, i decided to keep driving. we called his Daddy and found where he was working. we spent some time with Uncle Jim and Daddy and then we hit the BB&B...where we nursed in the parking lot before shopping :) we found what we were looking for...and then found some bonus clothes and pair of shoes for mommy! we had a fun afternoon hanging on his Dr. Seuss quilt and playing with toys, practicing sitting up, and being happy.

i believe i'm going to need to start Hagan-proofing my house pretty soon...i get the feeling that he'll be a little boy who's into everything!

<3
~*mandypandy*~

talking a good game

when it came to being a mommy...i held some strong opinions...and i still do. but i've realized no matter how good a game you talk...some things go beyond your plans.

ie - "i want to pump as much as possible and be done nursing at 6 months." LOL. someone i know *ahem* refuses a bottle...doesn't like them. we're still nursing. i wanted to be done nursing at 6 months because i wasn't going to be anyone's "chew toy" and teeth aren't supposed to arrive until month 6. so my dear, sweet, little boy decided to grow his first 2 chompers at 4.5 months. and he's bit/chewed on me 3 times - total. he bit down on me more before he started teething than he once he had teeth! i have decided, however, that i'm TIRED OF BEING TIED TO Medela...the manufacturer of my pump. i love medela, best brand ever. i rent a hospital grade pump, it works amazingly well. but i'm kind of over it. my parents' freezer is full of milk...as is my indoor freezer and our small deep freezer. so i've decided that i'll be done pumping by the 18th or so of this month. and then i'll return the pump and simply nurse until someone is weaned. (frozen milk will be used for sippy-cup training.)

i have started reading books to him...i don't read just the little card-board books to him either. we go to the library - yes, my 5 month old has his very own library card! - and we get books that are apparently meant for 1st - 3rd graders. whatev, he likes to look at the colors and to hear my voice.

so...the biggest thing i've learned in the last 5 months: life with babies is fluid and no preconceived notion is exempt from changing! and i've also learned that the books are right - my intuition regarding my baby is best! no one knows him better than i do.

*side story: i was watching an episode of Criminal Minds yesterday and Spencer was visiting his mom (who has schizophrenia...which you'd know if you watched this amazing show...js). and she says to him, "what else is going on in there [his head]?" and he replies, "nothing." his mom says, "don't lie to your mother. we know...we always know." and it's true...your mom always knows. my mom will ask me a question and all i can think is, "how does she know?" and now i realize, because that's just a gift God gave to mothers. an intuition that's so deep, you don't even know it's there. but you feel it...all the time.

so. there are the revelations for now. i will continue to try and find time to personalize this blog and make it look more like a mandypandy place to post and not such a generic blog-o-matic.

~*mandypandy*~

a sort of "first"

first post on the new blog.

but not my first post or blog. i decided to completely delete all that was my former blog. after reading it...i realized i was much more depressed when last i blogged than i realized.

but i'm returning to blogging. renewed and happy.

finally.

the Lord is good...and i'm grateful that he's so much more faithful to me than i am to him. long story as short as possible?

when last i was blogging the year was 2010. i got married in 2009 - to my soul-mate. cliche'? yes, but very true. we had at first said we were going to wait until we were debt-free and married for 2 years before we started a family. 3 months into our marriage though - we decided to start trying. at that point EVERYONE (and that is honestly not an exaggeration) around me started getting pregnant. on purpose, on accident, besties and acquaintances. (seriously, you can ask my friends and family. everyone got knocked up but me.) we started trying mid-summer...and in december i finally had a positive pregnancy test! made appointments as quickly as possible and got the ball on the roll. then, at the ultrasound, the tech could find nothing. and not only could she find nothing, she used the "magic wand" tool and it came out covered in "discharge". i know that the ultrasound didn't cause my miscarriage, but i have always blamed it. i went home and that night had a miscarriage at home. most people seem all shocked that i didn't go to the hospital. however, that was a very private - albeit unbelievably painful - experience. tons of advil, a heating pad, and my husbands loving and tender arms carried me through that very rough night. by the next day my 9 week pregnancy was over.

i felt surrounded by insensitivity...comments from pregnant friends like, "honestly, you're lucky it isn't you. this is miserable" and "well, you can always adopt" were painful and got old very early on. for the next year and a half my husband endured my all-consuming desire to procreate...and so did my parents...and some of my friends listened...and even fewer actually cared. (although i'm glad for all the ears that let me vent, i was very aware of who was just letting me talk and who actually listened/cared.) during that year and a half i became very bitter...and angry...and depressed. my husband was very ok with all the fertility testing we went through - and very supportive. however, every stinkin' test came back clear - i had no "obvious" issues. so why wasn't I able to get pregnant as easily as EVERYONE around me?!

it was at this low point in my life that for the very first time EVER - i was seriously doubting God. i asked Jesus Christ into my heart when i was 6. i cannot remember a time in my life that i haven't believed, loved, and served Him. that i haven't completely trusted Him...and always talked to Him. so that doubt was as painful for me as the continuous pregnancies around me and lack of pregnancy on my own part. which why i am so very grateful for His faithfulness. because, in retrospect, i can now see how perfect the Lord's timing truly is.

one month after paying off ALL of our combined debt (barring the brand new "family" vehicle we had bought and a mortgage) and the day after our 2nd marriage anniversary - remember those goals we set when we got married? - we found out we were again pregnant. now, keep in mind that we had not had any positive pregnancy tests since the one and only failed pregnancy of Dec. 10, 2010 (a date that any woman who's miscarried knows, cannot be forgotten quickly). STOKED is the only word that is applicable. then set in fear. i spent an entire 9 months panicking over everything...i spotted twice at the beginning of the pregnancy - skipped work and went to doc both times. drank sour milk - immediately called my mom and surfed the internet to see if bad milk would hurt the baby. someone who's pregnancy was only 2 weeks ahead of mine lost her baby? missed work and went to doc - just to hear that tiny little heart-beat. among all of this worry and anticipation, i was also preparing to be laid off from my job - another major answered prayer. we always planned on my being a stay at home mom, but if we worked my times out correctly, i would get a severance package to send me on my way to stay-at-home-mommyhood.

on tuesday Oct. 25th i went to my regular check up - and because there had been no movement in the prior weeks toward delivery, and i wasn't due until Nov. 3rd - the doc didn't even check me. we heard a heart-beat. i asked what it felt like when your water broke. and we went home. i had skipped work that tuesday, so wednesday morning i was determined to get up and go in to work. 15 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off i had to pee...so i got up and went, without even turning on the light. but when i was done peeing...i was still leaking. i called to my husband asking him to turn the light on - to which he soundly said, "NO." i called a little louder and said, "i need you to get up and turn the bathroom light on, i think my water's broke." he was in the bathroom and had the light on. we got the ball rolling...i showered, he got us subs from the gas station and put gas in the vehicle, loaded hospital bags (next time he'll be packing his own bag, lol). we headed to the hospital. 36 hours later i didn't get the natural delivery i wanted - i got a c-section...and a BEAUTIFUL baby boy! his name is Hagan Phillip - Hagan means "the protector". i'm watching him in his swing napping as i type...and he's 5 months old. i don't remember what life was like without him.

so God's faithfulness and timing are perfect...and i spent a year and a half in doubt for no reason. He proved me wrong...and taught me that His plans for me are perfect...and that's not just a line, it's Truth.

so when i decided it was time to start blogging again...and i looked back at all of my former anger, depression, and heart-ache...i simply deleted my entire former profile. starting fresh.

i want this blog to be about my life. my very limited, but intense, passions.
God.
Family.
Reading.
Yarn. (crochet and now knitting)
Crafts and Art.

i have an easy shop...in which one day i will re-list my handmade items. my shop is "mandypandy homemade" - so my blog name is similar.

welcome!

all sorts of love,
~*mandypandy*~

James 1:2-3