i've been working on Mother's day gifts for my mom and mother-in-law and the grandmothers and great-grandmothers for about a month now. (it's really hard to accomplish anything when you have a 5/6 month old who loves you so much he just CANNOT be put down. so i started early.) i would share what i've been making...but i fear my mom might actually read this blog (which will one day look as awesome online as it does in my head) so i can't share until post-Mom's day. with all the craftiness going on, i've been spending a lot of time thinking about my mom...and motherhood in general.
my pre-teen and teen years were really rough...mostly on my mom. i was mostly rough on my mom. i look back now and realize all the resentment and anger were caused by my own selfishness - & those miserable hormones your body starts developing around that time.
i never really saw all that my mom did for my family until my senior year of high school...when my mom got pregnant with my youngest brother (yeah, oops! haha). she would work all day on her feet as an art teacher...and then she'd come home exhausted...and clean our house and do our laundry and cook our dinner. somehow i finally put together that going to school, doing homework, or band practice took no where near the same amount of energy. i had no excuse to whine...and all that she did showed me how much she truly loved me and sacrificed for me. it was then that i finally started trying to help. i know that i still whined and complained...but i was really trying to start working around the house without having to be nagged. and since the birth of my little brother, we've been the best of friends - my mom and i. because i finally saw my mother and all the work she did in perspective, through the eyes of a young woman about to head out into the world and not the eyes of a spoiled little girl.
the sad thing is that i cannot get any of those years back to do over. to make up for the snotty, terrible little brat that i know i was. luckily, my mom loves me in spite of myself. and i have all the years left to show her how much i love her. how she's truly my very best friend. how i learned what motherhood is from her, and that i want to be the caring, sacrificing, honest, Godly mother that she was to me. i learned from the best - and i want to give Hagan the same love that i was given.
it also crossed my mind that this will be the first Mother's day without my "Aunt Bobbye", who was basically my grandmother. my mom's mother - Gramme - died when i was 3, and her best friend took over grand-mothering duties for my brother and i. we called her Aunt Bobbye, but she was Grandma. she passed into Heaven the day after Christmas this year. i know that my family - especially my Aunt Karen - are missing her so much this weekend that it probably hurts. it's hurting my heart a lot. i wanted to send a card and pictures of Hagan to her for Mother's day this year. because all the grandmothers got gifts...but the post office doesn't deliver to Heaven, lol.
i'm so glad that Hagan does have so many grandparents left though...and they're all local to him. i didn't really have many grandparents left, and those that i did have were always so far away. my baby is held by his Amaw every Sunday during church - and he plays with his Gramme and Gandalf (my dad is SO not a "pop" or "grandpa", so i named him Gandalf after his favorite book character ever!) every Sunday after church at lunch. we go visit them and spend time with them during the week, because i'm no longer working. he has great-grandparents and even one Great-Great Grandfather! i wish i could have had that, and i'm grateful to God that Hagan does.
my prayer for everyone is that this Mother's day is beautiful! that it's full of the overwhelming love i experience - both as a mother and toward my mother. that there are great gifts, great lunches, and more special memories made with those special women in our lives. (and that unlike last mother's day, i don't spend my morning puking on the side of the highway on the way to church, hahaha. i'm thinking that since this year i'm not pregnant, i won't have to worry about the puking!)
<3
~*mandypandy*~
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